Why no boy should ever ride a tricycle.

15 07 2007
  1. Alpha male status– by bypassing the unnecessary third and forth wheels, you will also bypass your peers in male supremacy. (skipping the third and fourth wheel is also analogous to skipping a third or forth wheel on a date–it’s always better with two people. [sorry unicyclists, a one-wheeled date would just be awkward and potentially emotionally scarring])
  2. You learn by messing up– don’t be an estrogen geyser, boys are supposed to mess up. All the time in fact. especially when it comes to girls, but that’s later.
  3. Control of speed & smoothness– two necessary skills a boy must learn. Girls will like this too.
  4. Scars-chicks dig them.
  5. Prefixes– ‘tri-‘ and ‘try’ are pronounced the same while ‘di’ and ‘die’ and pronounced the same. Die just sounds cooler.
  6. Practicality-a 2-wheeled bike can go faster than a person who is running. A tricycle cannot.
  7. Religion-Jesus did not ride a tricycle, nor did Siddartha, Shiva, Confucius, Thor, or Zeus. Ask yourself: What would Poseidon do?
  8. Dignity-you may end up like this guy

Well, hopefully these 8 rules should keep you or your sons from ever picking up those ungodly machines.

Later Days,

-Kev

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Sexxx.

14 07 2007

Honestly, the title of this blog has nothing to do with what I am going to talk about. I kinda did it to get more people to read it, haha. Shameful? Very.

Well, it worked because you’re reading it right now, yes?

Anyways, I started working out more because I felt sluggish and tired all the time.

I am proud to say I am still tired. It could be because I slept really late last night and woke up at 9 something… but I highly doubt that…kinda. Ever find it funny when you or other people work out how your faces gets so distorted. One day I would like to take a camera to the gym and snap shots of people running or lifting their max. I would compile all the images into some cool sounding book, something like People who look like a cinder block was shot at their faces with a cannon. That would be neat, right? (coming October 2008)

Well, off that topic I hear Toyota is going to switch to a pure hybrid line of cars very soon. Now, don’t get me wrong, I think they’re cool, and I’m not saying they shouldn’t. What I am saying is that that for some reason, a hybrid car makes me feel less manly. For some reason, I don’t think driving a candy red Prius would compare to driving a candy red ’67 Camaro or anything. There’s a certain feeling you get when you hear an engine purr that makes a car, well, a car. I don’t want to be starting up a computer when I am turning my car on. Maybe they should make some crazy sound system that mimicked car sounds. That would be cool. I’m all for the environment, and I know that it sounds backwards to want an old car if I care about the environment– I guess I’m just one of those stubborn Americans.

You know what I find funny? Why people hate America so much. Honestly, I love this country. Granted, our leader and our decisions in the previous four years haven’t been exactly effective, but regardless, it’s a damn great country. Now if one day one of the 20 some readers who read my blog (sad! please digg it.) happen to be from outside of America, or from America (but wishing they were living in Canada or whatever) and don’t agree with what I say, then well… well… sucks for you, I guess. I find it unfair when other countries look to America for help and get mad when America helps, I mean, don’t bitch if you ask for help. And don’t bitch if you don’t get any. Theres a reason people come to America for help, and it isn’t because we’re dumb backwards warmongers.

It’s to early to talk about politics.

Let talk about good byes.

Later days,

-Kev