Why no boy should ever ride a tricycle.

15 07 2007
  1. Alpha male status– by bypassing the unnecessary third and forth wheels, you will also bypass your peers in male supremacy. (skipping the third and fourth wheel is also analogous to skipping a third or forth wheel on a date–it’s always better with two people. [sorry unicyclists, a one-wheeled date would just be awkward and potentially emotionally scarring])
  2. You learn by messing up– don’t be an estrogen geyser, boys are supposed to mess up. All the time in fact. especially when it comes to girls, but that’s later.
  3. Control of speed & smoothness– two necessary skills a boy must learn. Girls will like this too.
  4. Scars-chicks dig them.
  5. Prefixes– ‘tri-‘ and ‘try’ are pronounced the same while ‘di’ and ‘die’ and pronounced the same. Die just sounds cooler.
  6. Practicality-a 2-wheeled bike can go faster than a person who is running. A tricycle cannot.
  7. Religion-Jesus did not ride a tricycle, nor did Siddartha, Shiva, Confucius, Thor, or Zeus. Ask yourself: What would Poseidon do?
  8. Dignity-you may end up like this guy

Well, hopefully these 8 rules should keep you or your sons from ever picking up those ungodly machines.

Later Days,

-Kev

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